Yoni Massage – Introduction, Benefits, Attitudes
Yoni , pronounced yo-nee, is the Sanskrit word for “vagina” , and means “sacred temple” or “sacred space”.
Introduction – What is Yoni Massage ?
The narrow approach towards yoni massage is that yoni massage, or in its popular name “vaginal massage”, is meant for women who were sexually abused or that it means massaging the yoni for pleasure and orgasms.
The holistic approach is that Yoni massage is a spiritual practice that allows a woman to connect to her goddess essence, her feminine core, her Shakti in its many expressions, and ultimately, connect to God.
The art and practice of yoni massage is a part of sexual tantra and sacred intimacy.
Yoni massage is a whole body experience that includes touching, arousing and massaging the whole body, focusing on the neck and shoulders, buttocks, breasts, hip-joint, and finally the outside and then inside of the yoni, while occasionally massaging the rest of the body.
Yoni massage is meant to work on and involve all the chakras (energy centers), elements (air, water, etc.), and on the physical, energetic, emotional, mental and spiritual levels/aspects.
Yoni massage is recommended and beneficial for nearly all women.
Yoni massage can be done by itself and for itself, or as part of tantric love-making, either before during or after the sexual act; it can be done between same-sex or opposite-sex friends, between lovers or with a therapist.
This series of articles approaches the art and practice of yoni massage from a different stand point than most other resources, focusing on the aspects of Pleasure, Therapy and Spirituality, emphasizing the internal attitudes both partners should cultivate, and describing many theoretical and practical elements which are generally missing or not adequately described.
These articles are meant for couples who are interested in deepening their intimacy, sexuality and their relationship, for men who would like to learn how to pleasure a woman and facilitate her process of opening and healing, and for women who would like learn more about their sexuality and their own body, and later to inspire their partner to explore these realms with them.
This information is not meant to teach a person how to become a professional yoni massage therapist or sexual therapist, as these professions take years to learn, practice and master, and very few are the people who are truly able to perform them.
Note: We are referring to the “giver” or “facilitator” as being a man, but a woman can also give a yoni massage to her she-friend or lover
The 3 main aspect of yoni massage are Pleasure, Therapy, Spirituality
These aspects are intertwined and complementary.
You can not expect to learn how to give a yoni massage just for pleasure and orgasms, as some men do, and some resources focus on. When a woman experiences deep arousal, there will be pleasure and then sometimes physical or emotional pain will arise; A man needs to support the woman and facilitate her process of accepting and releasing the pain and emotions. Therapy involves facilitating pleasure to dissolve the pain. Pleasure is therapeutic. Deep orgasmic states are a spiritual experience, and both you and your partner need to learn how to let go of the pleasure or the physical body in order to facilitate and support the woman in opening to these elevated realms of consciousness and existence.
Opening up the whole body to sensation, pleasure and orgasm; Experiencing new and different kinds of orgasms and orgasmic states; Recognizing, deepening and expanding orgasms.
Witnessing, accepting and releasing past pain and trauma on the physical, sexual, energetic, emotional and mental levels; Nearly every woman has some issues to resolve.
Yoni massage and tantric love-making can and should be a spiritual practice; An orgasm is a spiritual experience which involves openness, trust, surrender, dissolution and a feeling of oneness, unity and stillness. The experience of yoni massage allows the woman to fully manifest the feminine, Shakti, the Goddess.
Benefits of Yoni Massage – for the recipient
There are many benefits and positive results that arise from receiving one or a series of yoni massage sessions. Going from the pleasure aspect, to the therapeutic aspect, to the spiritual aspect:
- The whole body will become more erogenous, sensitive, pleasurable, orgasmic; Increased awareness and sensations specifically in the yoni
- Experiencing different and new kinds of orgasms and orgasmic states
- Learning how to recognize, deepen, lengthen and expand orgasms
- Experiencing the auspicious feminine manifestation of female ejaculation or Amrita/Kalas
- Healing and releasing past pain and trauma
- Improving or overcoming conditions like frigidity, low libido, vaginismus, painful / abundant / irregular menstruation, menstrual cramps, dryness of the vagina, pain or irritation during love-making
- Bringing health to the yoni, breasts, the whole body and the mind – an orgasm a day keeps the doctor away
- Naturally and effortlessly magnifying the aspects of personal love, universal unconditional love, trust, surrender, femininity
- Personal empowerment and growth – A sexually open and orgasmic woman will feel strong and empowered
- The open state of mind and the sexual energy can be used to connect with positive affirmations and intentions such as Femininity, Surrender, Sensuality, Openness, Will-Power, Love, Autonomy, Self-Confidence
- Better connection with yourself, with your partner, with men, and with your fellow sisters
- Experience receiving without needing to reciprocate
- Opening energy channels (Nadis / Meridians) throughout the body and waking up Kundalini Shakti – the flow of spiritual energy from the base of the spine to the crown of the head
- Higher states of consciousness, stillness, transcendence, dissolution, oneness
- A yoni massage session can be a meditation by itself, or can serve as a preparation for a meditation session.
Benefits of Yoni Massage – for the giver
Although we are more focused and concerned with a selfless action with the highest good of the recipient, there are still many benefits for the giver:
- Men who have conditions like STD/STI (Sexually transmitted Infections), temporary or chronic premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction, men who already ejaculated, men who are fatigued or elderly, or men who have a small Lingam (The sanskrit word for penis), can still pleasure a woman with their fingers
- Men who are starting in sexual tantra and practicing ejaculation control often have to pause moving for a while during penetration or to pull out so they don’t ejaculate. During these pauses, one can give yoni stimulation/massage to the woman
- It is very humbling, inspiring and rewarding to be allowed to facilitate pleasure, therapy and elevated states of consciousness, to facilitate and witness the manifestation of the divine feminine
- Better understanding of your woman’s specific preferences, rhythms, and challenges (which aspects or areas you need to help her open into)
- Better connection with your woman
- Learn how to pleasure a woman in many different ways
- Experience giving without needing to receive; Give for the sake of giving
Benefits of Yoni Massage – for the couple
- Deeper intimacy, connection, and love
- Widening the range of shared sexual activity
- Better communication and understanding
Many people and resources focus on the technical, practical and physical aspects of yoni massage. However, it is crucial that both partners first do some internal work and cultivate certain attitudes, which will help them engage in the yoni massage (and also in actual love-making) with the right approach and the right state of mind and heart. These attitudes also help in overcoming fears, un-helpful tendencies and the initial lack of knowledge and experience.
Attitudes that both partners should cultivate when Sharing a yoni massage session
- Love – do it from love, for love and with love
- Aspiration - Aspire to higher states of pleasure and orgasm, deeper love and connection between the two of you, and higher states of being and consciousness
- Openness - Allow welcome and cherish free expression of all feelings, emotions, gestures, sounds, pain, pleasure, bodily fluids, etc.
- Acceptance and Detachment – Accept, embrace, celebrate and be grateful for whatever arises; Women get stressed when they feel they are supposed to orgasm or to perform in a certain way. Do not expect orgasm and do not put pressure on the woman to orgasm or have any other expected outcomes
- Patience and Persistence – “Women are different; Sometimes they are different every day” Things take time; women take time to trust, to be aroused, to open up emotionally and physically, and take time to surrender; Men take time to learn how to pleasure a woman, how to contain her emotions, how to be more present and sensitive; Something that worked today might not work tomorrow or with another partner; Both partners should keep trying, and have patience
- Transfiguration – Transform all aspects of the experience into elevated mythical and mystical archetypes – Decorate and transfigure the space into a sacred pure beautiful space, transfigure the experience into a spiritual experience; The man should see himself as Shiva, Krishna, or Don Juan de Marco and transfigure the woman into a goddess, shakti, a manifestation of the divine feminine, a queen in an ancient kingdom, a movie star, a model or whatever archetype he resonates with; He should focus on all the feminine and attractive qualities of the woman, and make himself adore and appreciate the qualities or features he didn’t find attractive at the beginning; The woman should likewise perceive and transfigure herself and allow herself to manifest as Shakti, as a Goddess, and transfigure her man as Shiva
- Yoni massage is a process – it unfolds over many sessions spread over weeks, months and years; Allow the body and the soul time to heal and transform; Allow your partner to gradually open up, trust, surrender, let go, and allow the natural processes to unfold; Sometimes it will seem like the condition is getting worse, but then shortly thereafter it will become much better. Even one single session is a process by itself
- Enthusiasm, Fun and Exploration - The experience should be light, enjoyable; adopt an attitude of exploring and discovering together
- Selflessness – Men – Invite your woman to enjoy receiving without a need to reciprocate; Women – Allow yourself to receive without the need to give back
- Sacredness – Regard the experience as a sacred spiritual practice; Treat each other as sacred beings; Sublime your energies to the higher aspects and energy centers; Meditate together after you finish the session
Attitudes to cultivate when Giving a yoni massage session
- Presence – You are holding space for a woman to open, trust and let go. Make sure you are fully present, aware and conscious; If needed, meditate for half an hour or more before the session
- Sensitivity and Care- This is challenging for many men, so you have to really focus on this aspect. Don’t get caught up in the technical aspect of what you are doing at the moment, or the specific area of the body you are touching; stay aware to what she’s expressing throughout her body; look for signs of tension around her eyes, in her face and neck; make sure she’s breathing regularly and as much as possible into her belly; keep clear communications and occasionally ask her how she’s feeling and if she’s enjoying what you are doing that moment, or in case it’s painful, if she can stand it for another minute so you can dissolve the tension spot; Make sure you don’t ask her too much, because words will get her into her mind; Don’t mention anything negative or anything which is not directly related to the massage
- Empathy and compassion – The woman might be facing blockages, challenges, pains; Have empathy and compassion for what she’s experiencing and where she’s at
- Selflessness – You are doing it for HER, not to get something in return
- Reverence of the feminine, and Humility
- Courage and Confidence – you are dealing with a woman, with feminine manifestation and energy, with internal feminine sexual organs, all of which are some of the greatest mysteries of humanity. Wars have been fought over women. Dare to try, to experiment, to persist, to explore
- Responsibility over yourself, your actions, the situation and your woman; Create a safe sacred space for your woman
Attitudes to cultivate when Receiving a yoni massage session
- Trust and Surrender – Trust your partner, your body, and the process; Accept and surrender to the experience, to the feelings, emotions, energies and sensations
- Courage – At times there might be pain or disorientation or sensations which are new and strange or a feeling of “i can’t take it anymore”. Have courage to allow, experience and then go through whatever arises. “The only way Beyond a problem, is Through it”
- Honesty and clear communications – Men need clear detailed feedback. If something is pleasant, say so; If something is unpleasant, say so. Give directions when you feel they are needed. Men will be grateful for any help in figuring out what to do. Just make sure your man doesn’t feel your are giving him commands
- Self Discovery - You are embarking on a new journey into your body, femininity, and sexuality. Be excited about learning and discovering new realms of sensations, feelings and states of being
- Presence, Receptivity and Sensitivity - Don’t go into your mind. Stay present with your body, your partner, and the experience; Be aware of any sensations, feelings, energy flows, different perceptions; Specifically direct your awareness towards wherever your partner is touching you or towards wherever you feel the energy
Like the sound of this? Why not check out our upcoming Workshops for even more great tips and insights into how Tantra can transform your life.
Next: Pleasure, Orgasms, Extended Orgasmic States – how to deepen and lengthen them (coming soon)