The fucked up things we do in our Relationships – guest writer Vanessa Florence

– Rely on our partner to fulfill ALL of our sexual/romantic/intimate needs without taking the time to fill ourselves just as regularly. (i.e; self pleasure, solo dates and time away, romancing ourselves, social connections without them there)
– Rely on our partner as the main source of our emotional support (i.e; shit hits the fan in your life and they are the one who you always call – rather than widening your support network to include others)
– Have your partner be the only person of that gender who you really allow yourself to connect with and feel supported by (i.e; suddenly all your really solid man/woman friends drop away and your partner is left holding the whole responsibility for that genders presence in your life)
What a huge fucking pressure to place on one dynamic and person!

I feel like I’m purging out all my codependent shit right now. Some of it really hurts, and ALL OF IT it is so freaking good for me. I feel like I am holding myself on a whole new level.

So I’m taking myself on a date tonight to watch a romantic movie. I’m going to dress up, buy myself popcorn and hold myself when I sob ( I already cried in the trailer)

Whether you are single or in a relationship – please do not ever stop romancing, pleasuring and taking the time to love the fuck out of yourself so you and your partner (or future partner) can then come together from a place of really wanting to rather than needing to.
Don’t fall for the Hallmark, Disney shit.
Stay alert and awake in love.
Spread your emotional self around, let yourself be held and supported by many.
Don’t give up on your life, your passions, your independence and the spark that brought you together in the first place.
I know the merge feels so good but don’t stay there too long there or you’ll both wake up one day going – where the fuck am I?

Big thanks to Vanessa for this awesome advice! To ensure that your relationships don’t become complacent, find out more at our upcoming Tantra Relationships Workshop for Singles and Couples. See more below!