The Ego has a really close relationship with conflict and challenges in relationship. Why would that be?
The Yogis, Tantrics and most spiritual systems tell us that the reason we are here is to awaken our true nature. This process is called Self Realisation, or Enlightenment.They tell us that our true nature is oneness, unity, love. However most of us don’t realise this. Or we realise it, but it is hard to feel it, most of the time.
Most of us identify with an external reality, rather than an internal reality. We identify with the labels we create, the things we own, the things we think are important to ‘show’. We attach ourselves to identifications, masks and layers.
And then we begin to think that we are these things.
The ego is the part of us that is preventing us from seeing who we truly are.
The great teacher Eckhart Tolle tells us that the ego creates a hard shell. Between us and the real us. Who we think we are, and who we really are. The ego thrives on negativity. Complaining. Others being wrong. It grows itself, everytime it feels separate to another person.
And now we can see the connection to the ego and conflict. Because, if the the great masters teach that our ultimate reality is unity, and the ego is the part of us that is terrified of that experience, it will do EVERYTHING IT CAN to have us avoid that awareness.
Conflict is the perfect opportunity to reinstate ‘separateness’ to others.
So, when faced with conflict or challenge, we need to ask ourselves; what is the ACTUAL situation and what is the voice of the ego? Because actual situations do occur. You may find you have a different opinion to another person. That’s the actual situation. But where the ego show’s itself, is in the part of you that wants to make the other wrong. Perhaps you call them names (out loud, or to yourself) perhaps you talk about them behind their back. This is when the ego just arrived at the party.
Having the awareness of what’s happening is the first step to take, watching what you’re doing and calling your ego out on its game. And know that even just by acknowledging that it is there, you’ve just had a win over your ego.
To learn techniques for dealing with conflict and having awareness into the way you relate, join us for our upcoming Relationships Workshop.