I recently had a conversation that went like this;
Friend: ‘It was the most amazing sex, EVER!’
Me : ‘Why? What made it so good?’
Friend : ‘He was completely present to me. He was right.there.with.me. It was INCREDIBLE.’
As a sexual educator, I often get asked for techniques on how to be a better lover. People often think I will answer with some fancy trick that can be performed with hands/mouths/genitals. And although yes – there are certainly skills you can learn to become a better lover (that conversation is for another time) My initial answer is always the same.
Presence.
No really. Honestly. I can’t reiterate this enough. I have heard so many stories over the years about what makes good sex and what makes bad sex, and most often this is what it comes down to. Do you want to be an incredible lover? Then trust me, be present to your partner and more than half your job is done.
So what does it mean to be present?
Presence is a state of being when you are fully aware of the present moment.
You are not doing, you’re being. You’re not distracted by the mind or the ego. You may be aware of thoughts that come and go, but you don’t entertain those thoughts. In lovemaking, you are completely aware of and present to yourself, your body, and your partner. This state of presence can take you places you’ve never been before.
Tips on how to remain present during sex:
1. Breath – breathing helps to bring you out of your head and into your body. When you’re more present in your own body, you’ll be more present to your partner. Take deep conscious breaths whilst making love.
2. Get in the zone – Zero in completely on the body part of your partner that you are touching. Feel how your hands/mouth make contact with their body.
3. Look for the signs – is your partner breathing more heavily, has their skin flushed with heat, are their eyelids fluttering? Respond to your partner, moment to moment. Be aware of them in all that you do.
4. Relax – this is less about performance, more about play.
5. Make Eye Contact – this is a beautiful way to connect back in with your partner, let them know you are still ‘with them’ and create more intimacy.
6. Slow it down – avoid becoming goal-oriented in your love-making. Your partner’s orgasm is not something to be ticked off your To-Do list. Sometimes the most incredible moments in love-making are found in the journey, rather than the destination. Slow it down, give it time, let the energy build.
7. Be nowhere else but with your partner. There is nothing more important to think about, nowhere more important to be.
And here’s the thing. It’s not just about being present as a giver, but also as a receiver. While making love, if the mind wanders, bring yourself back, over and over. Use a mind message to override the mind chatter. Ask yourself ‘What’s alive in me right now?’ Or ‘What can I feel?’. Zeroing in with complete attention on wherever your partner’s hands are touching can also help bring you into the moment, your body and your partner.
If you want to understand presence more fully (and many other amazing techniques) come join us in the upcoming Sexuality Workshop, coming soon!
This workshop sold out many months ago, and is our only Sexuality Workshop running in 2022. After a recent review with the venue we released more spaces. There is only a handful of these left, so if you feel the calling, secure your place here.
With love,
Emma
xox
Upcoming Retreat & Workshops
Sexuality Workshop
Take your lovemaking, intimacy and passion to a new level through the teachings of this very popular workshop. Learn game-changing techniques that will transform your experience of sexuality. For Singles and Couples.
NOTE: THIS WORKSHOP SOLD OUT MANY MONTHS AGO. However, we have just released a small batch of additional tickets.
If you’d like to join us, secure your place immediately.
Date: May 13th – 15th, 2022
Where: Venue 3121 – 281 Swan St, Richmond 3121
Teacher: Emma Power
Host: Lucinda Light
Workshop hours:
Friday – 6:30pm – 9:30pm
Saturday and Sunday – 10:00am – 8:00pm (approx finish time)
For more information go here
Sexuality Workshop – Friday Night Taster
Date: May 13th, 2022
Where: Venue 3121 – 281 Swan St, Richmond 3121
Teacher: Emma Power
Host: Lucinda Light
Workshop hours: Friday – 6:30pm – 9:30pm
(approx finish time)
(Please note: If you book for the full weekend workshop, there’s no need to book for the Friday night separately)
For more information go here
Expansion Yoga and Meditation Weekend
Reset your mind and rejuvenate your body. Delve into a weekend of meditation, mindfulness, yoga practices and transformative teachings. You’ll leave feeling renewed, grounded and expanded. For Beginners to Advanced.
Date: May 27th – 29th, 2022
Where: Venue 3121 – 281 Swan St, Richmond 3121
Teachers: Emma Power & Nilanthi Chandra
Workshop hours:
Friday – 6:30pm – 8:30pm
Saturday – 8:30am – 5:00pm
Sunday – 8:30am – 5:00pm
(approx finish time)
For more information go here
Book
How to Have Meaningful Relationships is an essential guide for anyone who wants to build healthy, happy and sustainable relationships with the people in their lives. Relationships skills are not innate, they are skills to be learned. This pocket guide provides useful tools, ideas, and checklists to help you become the very best team player you can be.
When Love Goes South is a book that will teach you how to approach relational conflict and challenges with game-changing results. This pocket-sized guide is the relationship counseling session that many people need, but never quite get to. It is written with the intention to create a new paradigm of relating, offering the reward of getting safely and successfully to the other side of pain and challenge.
