Ever had that experience when your relationship goes from the highest of highs, to what feels like smashville, almost overnight? Our guest writer, Kaitlin Howitt explains what could be happening..
So we have the honeymoon stage.
And then what often comes after that is a shadow stage. This is where many of the things you initially adored, now trigger/irritate you. This is where the rose tinted glasses fade… (AKA the hormones that have been pumping the brain) and we become a human again. We take our beloved off the pedestal we had them on and realise they are a human too.
This phase is often the make or break for most couples and it’s where you’d find a lot of couples breaking up, and finding a fresh relationship only to get to the same point and not know what to do.
This phase is normal. In fact every single phase is.
Relationships have natural (and unique) rhythms. Honeymoon. Shadow/post honeymoon. Another depth. Plateau. Then To go deeper into a new type of honeymoon that’s different than the first. Plateau. Shadow phase number two. Peak into another, different sort of honeymoon… going deeper every time. It’s unique for every couple but every relationship will have its own mix of phases. Each will run its course before morphing into the next.
It’s our RESISTANCE to our CURRENT phase that makes us unhappy or gives us stress. Then we either don’t want to be in the specific Phase (and think it’s forever) or we are eager for the next phase and it’s not arriving quick enough.
Resistance of the shadow will only bring forward a more intense experience of it. It won’t go away as it is necessary in order to evolve into the next phase.
The holding onto the honeymoon romance instead of flowing into what’s next causes expectation and stress. When we can sit in whatever phase we are in, completely surrender to both the gold and the dark of each, is when we will enjoy the ride so much more.
I had to learn how to enjoy the honeymoon phase as I always craved the depth that I knew was coming. Tully (my partner) was the first man I completely surrendered to the phases with, without holding on or rushing.
We then moved into the shadow phase and as chaotic as it was, we found peace knowing it won’t be forever so to just find all the gold possible and choose each other over and over.
And because of that we transitioned into a beautiful depth that was so soul nourishing. Which launched us into a new honeymoon phase which felt wise and safe yet at the same time fresh and wild.
Our relationships are ALWAYS morphing.
Surrender and allow.
It’s the whole point.
XOXO
Ps: You can find more of Kaitlin’s wisdom over at her Insta – @livinginlove