It’s the start of a relationship – and it’s magic. All those hormones are flying around and they are all you can think about before you go to bed and when you wake up. It feels so perfect.
Fast forward to some time down the track, and all of a sudden reality is feeling a little different.
Whether it’s because your relationship has been put to the test by unforeseen stress, or you’ve added children to the mix. Maybe things have become mundane or possibly the toilet seat has been left up that one too many times.
Your idea and ideal of perfection has come crashing down around you. So what do you do?
The first step is to shift your belief that perfection was ever possible. The fantasy of perfection has been embedded in us since childhood (thanks Disney), and we live in a culture that encourages the belief that perfection exists in everyone else’s lives. Companies play to this deep-seated desire by telling us that all is possible if we buy certain products.
When you let go of the fantasy, you create space for perfect imperfection to grow. Your relationship – with its quirks, its differences and its humanness finally has space to breath and blossom. When we drop the expectations and take the pressure off, a natural organic process begins to occur. We start to experience love – a deeper love, a real love, the choice to love. Love beyond all of the judgement and finger pointing.
So how do we do it?
Focus on what IS working.
In Tantra, we have a practice called Transfiguration. The process of appreciating and recognising what is well, beautiful, and wonderful about another. If you’re prone to negative thinking, this may be a challenge for you. Commit to a daily practice in which you consciously note three things about your partner that are awesome.
Acceptance of Imperfection.
Understand that any relationship will have both its bliss and its challenges. Your partner WILL let you down, it’s inevitable. There will be phases when you are in sync and when you are not. This is natural, and doesn’t necessarily indicate there is a major problem that needs to be fixed.
Have grace for another’s journey and mistakes. Let go of what you can. If it’s not a deal breaker, if it’s something you can live with, let it go.
Don’t believe everything you see on social media. Understand that people and companies paint a one-sided picture to sell you an image. If you are human, you have challenges. Recognise that not many are prepared to be honest about that.
Understand that Relationships are a skill to be learnt
Acceptance is not to say that we stop striving for greatness. Let’s not be fatalistic here in our attitude. Although perfection is a lie, living with more harmony, love, ecstasy and joy IS possible. But we may need to take some time, energy and investment to learn the skills needed.
Come join us at the upcoming Relationships workshop for couples and singles. You’ll learn tools for growing love and passion, for resolving conflicting and communicating easefully.
We’d love to see you there!